National Catholic Reporter: The Weight of Violence

ncronline.org:  The Weight of Violence

by Brandon Frazier

Originally published 8/05/2010 at ncronline.org

A former Marine Corp infantryman, Brandon Frazier, describes the violence he experienced in Iraq and its enormous consequences.  In this short essay, written for a class he is currently taking at the School of International Service at American University, Frazier recalls an assignment on Thanksgiving Day, 2004 in Fallujah:  to join fellow Marines in re-tracing ground covered during the prior three weeks to show a “body snatcher” team the remains of dead bodies requiring disposal.

What I did not expect, however, was the emotional toll this would take on me.  The things I saw can only be described as something from a terrible nightmare or a gruesome war movie.  The bodies were barely human.  …  This was the first time I had seen the results of my violence up close.  It made me feel disgusted with myself, that I was able to do such things to another living being.  I was not quite sure what this meant, because being a Marine means that you make no mistakes and you are always justified.

Frazier then describes later watching a close friend be machine gunned to death.  He reacted by shooting wildly into the room from which the machine gun had been fired.

The story of this day is important. … The act of killing, in these years, was as simple as three pounds of pressure on a trigger, and that’s how we were trained.  What I realize now … is that … killing another living being is far more complicated than three pounds of pressure on a trigger.  … Today I feel terrible for what I have done. … I am actively trying to learn about being a nonviolent person …  Will I revert to the instincts that were drilled into my head while in the military? … It has and will continue to be a learning process for me …

Full Article:  http://ncronline.org/news/peace/weight-violence